Connecting Through the Seasons

Can I ask a personal question? How are you and your partner doing right now?

Are you feeling a bit distanced or disconnected with balancing the responsibilities of the day to day?

Summer is over, and with that can go the calmness and flexibility of vacations. The school year has started which can bring about its own myriad of changes, and we are quickly rolling further into the holiday season. For some, this time of year feels like a train barreling down the tracks where we are merely trying to survive the day to day and hopefully by the end of it, getting a couple hours of sleep.

If I’m being honest- I am right there too!

Whatever the situation, amidst what can feel like growing chaos during this season we are feeling busy. And with becoming busier it’s understandable that the things we were able to more easily give our attention to before, would start to shift. For some, this shift can be felt in our intimate relationships. This doesn’t happen intentionally either, but one day we are crawling into bed after a long day and it hits us- wait, did we even talk today?

Can you relate?

So what do we do when we feel this shift happening?

How do we navigate this busy season of life while also wanting to work on feeling connected to our partner?

We can take small but impactful steps:

Know yours and your partner’s love language

Did you know most people don’t know their love language, or the way they need to be tended to to feel the most loved? Did you also know that most individuals assume their partner has the same love language as them? Knowing our own love language and our partner’s support us in giving us the tools to tend to each other in the most meaningful ways. Even if we don’t have all the time, knowing a hug or kiss for a partner with Physical Touch at the top of their list or preparing morning coffee or breakfast for a partner who’s top love language is Acts of Service can give partner’s greater opportunities to be intentional even in small ways. This then helps strengthen those deep feelings of connection even in the midst of the busiest seasons.

Click here to read more on the Five Love Languages then take the free quiz to get started.

Get creative!

Resources like the app Paired, that you can find in the Apple App Store and Google Play Store, provide a free daily prompt that you and your partner can both participate in (you can also purchase and download packages with specific topics as well). You both will share a code that will link you to the same app and the best part? You cannot see your partner's response until you answer it yourself first. As an avid user myself for a couple months now, my husband and I have had many laughs and continued conversations after finally seeing each other’s responses. This in turn created space for deeper connection and conversations throughout the day: via text, walking dogs, and even packing lunches for the next day. The interesting prompts cover a gamut of topics that are fun, intimate, thought provoking, and only take a minute to complete!

Make time for dates

I know, I know, this is a tricky one especially when we are talking about busy schedules, but I promise it’s not what you think! First let’s think, what is a “date”? For me, I would define it as intentional time with your partner with no distractions. So with this definition, what could that look like apart from going out to dinner or getting out of the house if it isn’t feasible? (but if it is, that’s great too)

It could look like waking up early to have coffee and breakfast together 30 minutes to an hour before the day begins
It could look like giving the kids dinner early and having dinner together later after they go to bed
It could look like heading to bed at the same time together, unplugged from technology
It could look like watching a TV show or playing a game together (ever hear the phrase, couples that play together, stay together?)

Whatever a “date” looks like for you- schedule it and stick to it!

Recognizing this is a season

This is but a season. Have you ever heard anyone say this? As one of my favorite affirmations, I find this quote to be an incredibly validating message that I wanted to leave you with. Just as we experience the four seasons throughout the year that bring different weather and temperature, we also experience different seasons in life. Some last longer than others, some bring about greater discomfort, and some others bring peace. Whatever the feeling or the duration, the goal is to hopefully recognize what each of these seasons bring and what we can do to aid ourselves through them.

Expand on this idea with your partner.:

“What does this season mean to you?”

“How are you feeling in this season?”

And more importantly:

“What can we do to help us navigate through it, together?”

This blog post was written by Cayla Moyer, a Counseling Consultant with ZimZum Consulting who has a Masters Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. Cayla has experience working with complex family systems, couples, and individuals. Cayla also serves as an ABA Therapist and Educational Consultant with over 10 years of experience in supporting families and individuals with special needs.