A creative way to minimize teacher, parent, or coach burn-out, and set the stage for healthy co-regulation

Interpersonal relationships benefit from positive co-regulation.

The relationship between a teacher and student, a parent and child, and a coach and player especially requires a high-degree of healthy co-regulation.

In my field of early childhood education, it is incredibly important that teachers have the knowledge and skills to positively co-regulate with their students.

So what does it mean to co-regulate? When we interact, my nervous system reacts to your nervous system. When you are calm, my nervous system feels it, and responds. When you are angry, my nervous system reacts.

“People won’t remember what you said, they won’t remember what you did, but they will remember how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou

Unfortunately, positive co-regulation is nearly impossible to achieve when you are burned out.

Teacher burn-out is incredibly common and incredibly hazardous to their physical and mental health. It does not take a lot of imagination to recognize that if a teacher is burned out, the students in his or her class suffer for it, as well.

The same is true for parents. And coaches.

As a preschool director during the pandemic, I began noticing the patterns of burn out more frequently amongst our staff and with our preschooler’s caregivers.

Signs of burnout:

(from “Burnout,” by Emily Nagoski)

Emotional exhaustion - “I have no feelings left unfelt”
De-personalization - “My ability to empathize with you is depleted”
Decreased sense of accomplishment: “Everything is too hard and nothing I do makes a difference anyway”

When we are burned out, we are quick to get angry, quick to yell, quick to withdraw.

Burnout happens. But when you begin to notice the signs that you are approaching burnout, here is one quick tip for managing it:

Tag yourself “out” and tag someone else “in.”

When you feel yourself becoming angry or notice the tightening in your chest, it may be time to ask someone else to take over for a few minutes.

As a preschool director, we have implemented the “tag out” method for all of our classrooms. Logistically, this may sound like one teacher saying to another, “I think it’s time to tag me in” or it may sound like a teacher saying, “I am ready to tag you in.”

As a parent, my husband and I have implemented the “tag out” method in our home. When one parent has reached a level of frustration or dysregulation, we tag one parent out and the other parent in.

As a soccer coach, my husband has implemented the “tag out” method with his coaching colleagues. Especially during games when the stakes run high, if one coach is struggling to stick to the agreed upon level of intensity, they are “tagged out” to take some deep breaths.

The “tag out” method is simple and highly effective.

But it requires courage, humility & practice.

For more on the signs, symptoms, and ways to avoid burnout, check out Emily Nagoski’s book, Burnout.

For more on positively co-regulating with children, check out Daniel Siegel’s, The Whole Brain Child.

This blog post was written by Bethany Stempert. Bethany is an Education Consultant with ZimZum Consulting. She is an educator and preschool director with degrees and experience in early childhood, special education, elementary education, and literacy instruction.

"Tag Out" for Sanity