Stay Connected
Stay Connected: Social Distancing in a Time When We Need Each Other the Most
We are in coronavirus times. We will try to find words to describe this odd time in our lives and it will be a challenge. Words like “quarantine” and “social distancing” have become part of our everyday vocabulary. If you would have mentioned this a year ago, most of us would have laughed or not thought it possible. But here we are.
Sitting back and looking at the world at this time has made me in the least, reflective, and at my most, stuck in my head with all the thoughts circulating into a never ending spiral. There will be many smarter and more insightful philosophers and theorists who speculate on how this time changes us, but for now, I just have ramblings to share from a mom who’s stayed at home with her children for the last 12 days and Behavior Analyst (still me) who has struggled to meet all the needs of all our clients, knowing this is just going to require lots of creative thinking from all parties.
Honestly, the biggest mental health save, the step that’s not allowed my to go into the rabbit hole of anxious thinking, is regular check-ins with my people. Sometimes it is a text and sometimes we set up a formal google hangouts or video call. It’s a natural draw, we are wired in a way that means we want to and need to connect with people. Even the most introverted of us (my 10 year old son), eventually yearns for human connection.
The check-ins at first seemed so trivial. Sometimes It was “we have to coordinate this learning at home business” or we need to “chat about how this ongoing meeting may change,” but now a scheduled video meeting or online social event holds just as much clout on my calendar as that Board meeting did two months ago. Connection fuels us, even in these small digestible spurts, poor connection, blurry video quality and all.
Here are five ideas for staying connected (for kids too):
Plan a double (or triple) date for your spouse, significant other, and friends. Pour yourself a glass of wine, make an appetizer plate, or dessert and sit in front of the screen with your spouse and those friends and chat it up about topics you would normally catch up. The other day we told our 10 year that we would pay him a dollar if he “babysat” his sister, put her to bed successfully, and put himself to bed so we could have a date. He felt extremely important and tween-like. We had a date with our friends on google handouts. Win-win.
Plan a virtual “playdate” for your kids. This may be best for ages 5 or 6 and up, but I have seen the littles chime in in the background of these playdates too. Children don’t need a lot of guidance or structure, parents just need to pull back and not control the virtual interaction. Children converse differently when when it comes to virtual modalities. They will expand and shrink the screen, turn on filters, accidentally hang up, put toys and eyeballs in front of the screen, hide, mute, burp, and fart, and all of it is a blast to them. Let them connect in their ways and keep it simple, short, and consistent. Having a reoccurring virtual playdate is something they can look forward to!
Call your grandparents, your children’s grandparents, other’s grandparents, etc. If you don’t have a grandparent, adopt someone else’s until we are no longer living in corona-world. Let’s be there and connect with the individuals who are “most at risk” during these times. These are the individuals will need the extra care and attention. They are the ones staying out of stores and waiting, and waiting. These are the individuals most likely in front of media streams that are constantly inundating them with (sometimes) facts and information. These are the individuals in need of a regularly scheduled 5 minute check-in everyday. Sometimes these may not be able to be video calls, depending on how tech savvy they may be, but even a phone call on speaker and letting the kids chime in loudly in the background can be enough of a sense of normalcy that can help get through these times.
Create messages for the lonely and the hurting. Whether it’s sidewalk chalk on the sidewalk in front of your house, a sign on your door, or a sign on your car in the driveway, spread the love. Make a connection possible without expecting anything in return. Give a message of hope or love with a phrase or something to lighten the mood and bring a smile to passerby’s face.
Join the world in creative ways to connect. There are so many celebrities, online personalities, and influencers who have started creative projects for individuals who want to connect with the larger world in a time when our world can feel so small. Don’t let your mind go there. We can always find someone who is willing to give encouragement or joy in some format, we just have to be in head space where we can accept it. Sometimes this is easy and sometimes it is hard. My favorite this week has been the author Mo Willems, who in partnership with Kennedy Center, posts lunchtime doodle tutorials. Whether you have kids or not, his videos are relaxing and even three year olds can produce doodles looking like mini-Picassos. I have found drawing and doodling to be a relaxing activity to let my mind escape. My children love it and I’ve used some of his videos as “let’s settle in” for my virtual sessions with clients. I hope you check out his work or let us know about your favorite creative connection!
Photo by Adam Solomon on Unsplash
Written by: Josi Garcia is the Co-Founder of ZimZum Consulting Collaboration. She is a Board Certified Behavior Analyst, holds a Masters degree in Special Education, and has experience working with schools and families supporting individuals with special needs.